Wet Rats and Large Handcuffs

“Curious,” Alvis muttered from the opposite side of the domed room.

Reyn didn’t have to look up to know that Alvis’s mutter was about him. No one else was in the tower, since Melia and Sharla had gone out to pick Fire Apples. 

“Girls’ time. No Reyns allowed,” Melia had told him. Which implied Alvis was allowed, for whatever reason. 

(Downright rude, if you asked him. Which they hadn’t.)

Not that Alvis had paid the girls any attention before. The weirdo’s eyes had been on Reyn since Shulk, Dunban, and Riki had left to bash some monsters for the Nopon merchants. 

The main threat on their list was a Lexos. Reyn hated those things—they always taunted him while flying just out of his range—or else he would’ve gone too. Probably still would’ve been better than being stared at by Alvis, though.

“What, you want one?” Reyn scooped up Cheeks, one of the wet rats he’d been corralling. 

It was easy enough to bribe them with some chopped Amethyst Vanilla pods. Somehow the cute critters stayed nice and warm, soggy though they were. Reyn was counting on those rats to keep the chill out of this creepy tower tonight. They couldn’t all have fancy fur coats like Alvis.

“I will have to decline, thank you.” Alvis’s voice was as gratingly polite as always.

Why couldn’t the guy just say how he actually felt? Reyn couldn’t tell if Alvis was still pissed about the whole booby-trap-button-pushing thing. The others had forgiven him—more or less—but for Alvis, that blunder had been Reyn’s first impression. The weirdo probably still thought Reyn was some kind of idiot.

Normally Reyn wouldn’t care what a stranger thought. But Shulk seemed to think this Alvis guy was the best thing since the Monado, and Reyn did care what Shulk thought. It was simple as that.

“Vanilla, then?” Reyn dropped Cheeks and waved the vegetable by its leaves. Maybe Alvis wouldn’t notice the chunk Gnasher had bitten out of it. 

“Is the sharing of useless items an important ritual among your group?” Alvis asked, completely straightfaced. 

“Useless? That’s good rations right there, it is.” 

Reyn would rather choke down one of the rats than eat the sour vegetable, but Alvis didn’t have to know that.

“I see…” Alvis frowned a little as Reyn went back to feeding the rats. 

Gnasher, Furball, and Gravy fought over the new vanilla until Reyn snapped it into three pieces for them. Cheeks seemed content to cuddle up against Reyn’s knee. That one was the smallest of the lot—he hoped it had gotten its fill, and not just given up because the big brutes were in the way.

“You do need to eat, don’t you?” he asked Alvis. 

Maybe he’d missed it, but he didn’t remember seeing Alvis take any of the Tirkin meat that Dunban had roasted for lunch. Granted, Dunban’s cooking wasn’t the greatest, so maybe Alvis had scrounged up something else.

Alvis rubbed his chin.

“Hmm… I could, I suppose.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing that concerns you,” Alvis said unhelpfully. “You have quite the appetite, do you not? Surely you will make better use of those ‘rations’ than I.”

“You callin’ me greedy?” Reyn scowled. 

Man, why did this guy get under his skin so bad? Even the furball—Riki, not the rat that shared his nickname—couldn’t be so annoying with so few words. Riki at least made sense. He usually just wanted some grub or a nap, while this Alvis guy… Reyn had no idea what he wanted. Made it awful difficult to trust him.

“I said only what I said. Nothing more.” Alvis leaned back against the wall, as if he intended to go to sleep. 

“Why, you little—!” 

Reyn reached for a vegetable to chunk at him. Before he realized that what he was throwing was too fuzzy to be an Amethyst Vanilla, Gravy flew through the air with a sharp squeak. The rat hit Alvis’s face with a wet squelch. 

(Oops. Sorry Gravy.)

Alvis’s eyes flashed open. The rat slid down his face, landed in his lap, and skittered away.

“Hah! Some seer, can’t even predict a—OI!”

Something struck Reyn’s cheek—the wet rat. Poor Gravy fell to the floor, dazed from the impact with Reyn’s rock-hard jawline.

“Look what you did! He’s gonna go into shock, being manhandled like that!”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Alvis replied primly. His legs were outstretched, one crossed over the other. 

“Don’t know, huh? You want me to show you how it feels?” Reyn leapt up, punching a fist into his palm. 

The remaining rats scattered from around his feet, carrying their dazed comrade and half-eaten vegetables with them. Great. Now Reyn was gonna have to round ‘em up all over again. He hoped there weren’t any tiny cracks in the walls for the rats to get stuck in…

“Hmm. It appears I have failed this particular heart-to-heart. Very interesting.”

Reyn hoisted the mumbling Alvis up by his coat collar. 

“What on Bionis are you talking about?” Reyn couldn’t help jostling Alvis a little, as if he could shake the secrets out of him. 

The guy still looked unfazed. He didn’t eat, he didn’t show emotion… was Alvis even a Homs?

At least Alvis had thrown the rat back. That was probably a good sign. Reyn wasn’t sure what he would’ve done if Alvis had just sat there and taken it.

“Nothing you can comprehend,” Alvis said calmly. “Nor should you attempt to.”

“Gah!” Reyn shouted. 

His grip tightened on Alvis’s coat for a moment, before he dropped him. Alvis might be frustrating as Square-Stache's drills, but Reyn had no desire to actually hurt the guy. Besides, he… he was supposed to be trying to get along. 

Ugh. Just another one of Reyn’s stupid screw-ups…

“Reyn!” Melia called sharply.

He looked up abruptly, then groaned. Melia and Sharla stood in the tower’s doorway, twin sacks of apples slung over their shoulders. 

“You didn’t see all that, did you?” Reyn asked.

Alvis was slumped against the wall, looking right pathetic. Of course he’d choose this moment to pretend he had a heart. It would be too easy for him to eke out the girls’ sympathies.

“We certainly saw something.” Sharla put her hands on her hips. 

It would’ve looked a lot more intimidating if she weren’t shivering. Had the Fire Apples not warmed her up? Guess even the weird fruit couldn't make up for Sharla's sparse outfit.

“Would you like to explain to me why you were attempting to intimidate the imperial seer?” Melia asked in her most stern, princess-y tone.

“I wasn’t—I was barely—!”

“We were participating in an exercise,” Alvis interrupted, voice and posture suddenly as composed as ever. “Worry not, Your Highness. All is as it should be.”

Melia squinted. Her nose scrunched. Despite the cold, Reyn started to sweat.

“Alvis. A word.” 

Alvis dipped his head before rising to follow Melia out of the tower and into the snow. The magic doors ground shut behind them.

“Phew. Thought she was gonna tear my head off.” Reyn rubbed the back of his neck.

“I’d hardly have blamed her. What’s gotten into you?” Sharla asked, setting down her sack and shivering again. 

Reyn didn’t have a single rat left to warm her up. He wasn’t sure she would’ve accepted one from him right now, anyway. Maybe Cheeks would've been cute enough to win her over…

“Reyn?” She passed a finger back and forth in front of his face, as if to track the movement of his pupils.

“I’m not concussed.” He sighed. “That guy just gets on my nerves, alright? I don’t mean to let ‘im. And I wasn’t gonna hurt ‘im either, I swear.”

Sharla frowned, still studying his face intently enough to make him shiver.

“What? You don’t believe me?” 

“No, I do.” She shook her head. “It’s just… this isn’t like you, Reyn. You’ve got a thick head, but even thicker skin. What’s Alvis done to get to you so badly?”

“Nothing, really.” Reyn looked away. That was the worst part, wasn’t it? “He just showed up all mysterious-like, with all his magic powers, knowin’ stuff and blocking explosions with his bare hands—one hand!”

“Sounds like someone’s jealous.” Sharla giggled.

“Me? Jealous?” Reyn balked. “C’mon, Sharla. I may not be magic, but I can block enough explosions with this baby.”

From where it lay on the ground, he hefted his driver—the one Shulk had crafted specially for him—and found comfort in its weight. He patted its side, feeling the array of nicks and scratches, both familiar and new. Though he didn’t bother keeping track of exactly where or when he’d gotten most of ‘em, he knew each marked a time he’d protected his friends.

“So you have some other, completely non-jealousy related problem with him.” Sharla crossed her arms.

“Exactly! Uh, I think.” 

He held his driver more tightly, wondering if he’d fallen into a verbal trap somehow. Sharla was good at those. All girls were, it seemed like.

“And that problem would be…?” 

“I thought I was supposed to be the stubborn one.” He sighed. “Fine. I just don’t know that we can trust the guy, y’know? He hasn’t exactly given us a lot of straight answers.”

“What do you mean? He’s done nothing but help us. He told us about this tower and the Monado.”

“See, that’s just it!” Reyn smacked his fist against his driver, making a loud clang. “How could he have done that seer ceremony here? Dickson brought Shulk and the Monado back to the colony when we were practically babies! And if the Monado was so important to Alvis’s family, why’d they let Shulk’s parents just barge on in and take it? Why’d they never ask for it back? I mean, it wasn’t exactly a secret that Dunban was usin’ it.”

Sharla sat down and took one of the Fire Apples from her sack, but didn’t bite into it. 

“Huh. I’m surprised to say it, but it sounds like you’ve put a lot of thought into this.” 

“Not like I had a lot else to do while you were gone.” He plopped down beside her. 

Dang, the floor was even colder. He shivered, wishing he’d bought some warmer clothes from the Nopon merchants. Or that his rats had a shred of loyalty. 

Sharla tossed him an apple.

“Cheers.” He nodded.

“No problem.” She smiled. “Though, if you were doing so much thinking, you could’ve actually talked to him. Surely there’s some explanation.”

“You think I didn’t try? I offered ‘im some of my food and everything. I swear, that guy doesn’t even eat.” Reyn shook his head before biting into the apple—

And immediately spitting it back out. A plume of flame came out with it, like he was using Riki’s Burninate art. Which would have been awesome, if he didn’t feel like he was dying.

“You tryin’ to kill me?” He pounded a fist against his chest.

Sharla laughed. Some friend she was. And to think he was gonna give her one of his wet rats! 

“I thought you’d like them! You look like the kind of tough guy who pounds down spicy foods.” She bit into her own apple, not even breaking a sweat as she blew smoke rings into the air.

“I like spicy foods! I don’t like burnin’ my tongue right outta my mouth!” 

“Sorry.” She was still grinning. “Give it back here, then. I’m not about to let such a delicacy go to waste. Especially not when it’s this freezing out…”

He gladly gave her back the Fire Apple. Being a medic and all, he would’ve expected her to care more about germs, but he guessed that was pretty far down the list of ways they could die out here.

“Speakin’ of, how long do ya think Melia and Alvis are gonna be out there?” He nodded towards the tower’s doors. 

“I’m not sure. Melia doesn’t seem to mind the cold, though.”

“Makes me wonder if those High Entia have more feathers keeping ‘em warm than just what's on their heads.”

Sharla rolled her eyes.

“I’m sure it’s just because Alcamoth is at a higher elevation than Colonies Nine and Six. She’s probably used to it. The heat in Makna was a lot harder on her.”

"Guess that makes sense."

Man, Reyn never thought he’d miss the humid jungle. Hopefully Shulk wouldn’t find too many more poor souls needing help out here, and they could keep moving towards Sword Valley tomorrow.

Come to think of it, Shulk hadn’t seemed to have a problem with the cold, either. Pretty weird, since he wore such thick clothes even in the heat of Colony Nine. Maybe the Monado gave him not-freezing-to-death powers or something.

Sharla had chomped both Fire Apples down to their cores by the time Melia and Alvis returned. 

“What took you so long?” Reyn leapt up. “Not having fun out there without us, were you?”

He’d hoped the joke would break the ice—no pun intended—but Melia just strode up to him, her expression unreadable. Alvis followed in her shadow, his hands folded behind his back.

“Reyn. I would like to present you with a gift,” she said evenly.

“Huh?” Reyn frowned. “If it’s more of those Fire Apples, I’m good. Sharla already, uh, gave me plenty.”

Sharla snickered behind her hand. Did she know what Melia wanted to give him, or why? He knew it was rude to turn down a present, but the look on Melia’s face had him nervous.

“It is not something you can eat. Consider it… an opportunity. Alvis, if you please.” Melia motioned him forward.

Was she trying to have Alvis apologize to him with one of the “useless items” the guy had complained about? Maybe Melia had a sense of humor after all.

“Alright. Lay it on me.” Reyn held out his hand with a grin—

And Alvis looped one of two fuzzy green rings around his wrist. The second had been securely tightened around Alvis’s own.

“Wha—hey! Just ‘cause I named ‘em ‘Large Handcuffs’ doesn’t mean they’re actually s’posed to get used like this!” Reyn shook his wrist, jostling Alvis’s arm along with it. 

Whatever. Reyn had played with a few pairs of these earlier. Though Alvis had looped them tightly, the cuffs themselves were large. Reyn just had to untangle them, and he’d be home free.

“Shadow Stitch,” Melia said. 

A jet-black chain of ether shot from her fingertips, weaving into the cuffs. He looked up at Alvis, who looked as unaffected as ever. 

“M-Melia?” Reyn gaped. “What are you doing?”

“Ensuring that you and Alvis spend some quality time sorting out your differences.” Melia crossed her arms. “I will not have this mission undermined due to a lack of unity.”

“Don’t you think this is a little extreme?” Sharla asked, biting her lip. At first Reyn thought the expression was sympathy, but then he caught her cheeks puffing from restrained laughter.

“Hm? Why would it be?” Melia’s head tilted. “It worked for you and your finacé, did it not?”

Sharla blushed as red as a Fire Apple.

“Huh? What’s she talking about?” Reyn asked Sharla, who looked away. 

“Othoron handcuffed Gadolt and I during one of our shifts changing the mine’s ether lamps. But that’s only because I kept getting lost trying to find a faster route than he could, and Othoron was sick of having to come find me.” She shook her head. 

“Regardless of the reason, the result was favorable,” Melia pointed out.

“That’s hardly fair! Anyone would be lucky to be stuck with Sharla!” Reyn protested, scratching at the itchy green fur. 

Somehow, Sharla’s face got even redder. 

“How did you let Melia trick you into this, anyway?” He shook his wrist, waving Alvis’s attached arm. “I’m startin’ to think you can’t see the future at all.”

“Her Highness did not need to deceive me. I am a willing participant in this experiment.”

“You—huh?”

“Alvis understands the value of our mission. He has chosen to assist us of his own free will, and I suggest that you make the same effort.” Melia fixed him with a glare. 

Ugh. Of course Alvis had spun it so he hadn’t done anything wrong. How could they have any kind of ‘unity’ with Alvis turning Melia against him?

Maybe he could still make this work, though. Reyn did want to get answers out of Alvis. There was no way he could keep squirming out of it when they were literally stuck together, right?

“Fine, whatever.” Reyn tried to cross his arms, only for the handcuffs to yank taut. His arm fell limply back at his side. “So how long are ya planning to leave us like this?”

“An excellent question.” Melia smiled. It made him shiver. “A binding spell concentrated to such a small area should last up to twenty-four hours.”

“A whole day? You’ve gotta be joking!”

“However,” she continued, “if you two can work together long enough to retrieve a Gypsum Branch, I will release the spell manually.”

“A what now?”

“One of the Nopon researchers told Melia and I about them,” Sharla spoke up. “Apparently at night, some of those icicle formations shoot beams of light into the sky. But those icicles are actually a kind of tree? It didn’t make a lot of sense.”

“Gypsum Trees. The Nopon spoke the truth.” Alvis nodded. “What use have you for their branches, though? Her Highness Melia can already light your path with her elementals.”

“I thought that Shulk would appreciate such an interesting piece of flora for his Collectopaedia,” Melia said. “It’s said to be quite rare to find a fallen branch, however. Surely he would be grateful if two of his reliable friends worked together to retrieve it for him.”

“Oh, so now you’re trying to butter us up, huh?” Reyn shook his head.

He’d do it, of course. He knew how much Shulk loved his fancy scrapbook. It was the one of the few things that had gotten him out of his lab back in Colony Nine. Now, with all the stress of their mission, Shulk seemed more insistent on stopping to collect souvenirs than ever. Chances were if Reyn and Alvis didn’t find this glowing branch, Shulk would want to wander around in the snow until he came across one anyway. 

“As I said, I am only providing an opportunity. It is not my concern if you are too afraid to take advantage of it.” Melia sat down next to Sharla to eat one of their apples. As far as she was concerned, the conversation was over.

Well, that was fine by Reyn. He was ready to get this fetch quest over with, too.

“Come on.” Reyn yanked Alvis towards the doors. “I don’t wanna be stuck holding hands while I’m tryin’ to sleep.”

XXX

“I believe this area is considered out of bounds,” Alvis mused as Reyn tried to haul them both up one of the glowing ice formations.

Alvis was practically dead weight. Reyn was used to lugging around dead weight, though—he'd had to carry Shulk out of danger plenty of times. None of those times had involved trying to get a grip on something so slippery, though.

Reyn slid back down into the snow. He hadn't even gotten Alvis's feet off the ground.

“Pretty sure we're still in bounds,” Reyn retorted, waving his left wrist.

Alvis smirked a little at that.

“Hm. A proficient show of wordplay. Is that a method through which you've developed your Affinity with Shulk?”

Reyn groaned, dropping his head against the ice crystal. At least it was cold. It almost numbed the headache he was getting.

“If you wanted to talk about Shulk so much, why didn’t you just go with him in the first place?” 

“It may have been more comfortable, true. But I would have missed several learning experiences.”

Reyn looked up, brow furrowing.

“That’s a joke, ain’t it?”

“Is that how it comes across?” Alvis tried to rub his chin in thought, only to be stopped short by the handcuffs.

“Come on,” Reyn groaned. “Sarcasm’s not funny. Just gets confusing, when you keep at it that long. Shulk’d think so, too.”

Shulk tended to be straightforward with his jokes. That was one area where Reyn didn’t have to worry about his best friend outsmarting him.

To his surprise, Alvis nodded thoughtfully.

“I will bear that in mind.”

Somehow, they’d managed a whole ‘nother conversation with Reyn netting zero information. Reyn tried not to scream, and dragged Alvis off down the mountain instead. Alvis didn’t even give him the satisfaction of stumbling. His footsteps were light as a bunnit’s on the fresh snow.

“Do you have a strategy in mind here?” Alvis piped up after several minutes of aimless wandering.

“‘Course I do,” Reyn snapped. “Can’t climb up and grab ‘em, so I’ll do what we always do. Walk around until I see something worth picking up.”

“That… is an option, I suppose.”

Reyn jerked his arm, hoping to send Alvis off-balance. Still no luck.

“What? You got a better idea?” he asked, clenching his jaw to keep his teeth from chattering. “No, don’t tell me. You got a vision of where we can find one, but you wanted to see me stomp around like an idiot first.”

Alvis frowned.

“That would imply that I enjoy trudging about in this weather.”

“Yeah, well, you don’t look like you’re having too hard a time of it. You gonna answer the question or not?”

“You did say not to tell you.”

“That’s just an expression!” Reyn threw his hands in the air, and for the first time—completely on accident—he yanked Alvis into himself. 

Throwing them both off balance—

—and sending them rolling down the mountain.

Snow, when you rolled around in it, was wet. And unlike the rats, Reyn was not warm when he was wet. By the time he got his driver jammed into the ground—stopping their mad descent meters from a steep cliffside—he was soaked and frozen to the bone.

“Was that intentional?” Alvis asked from on top of Reyn’s chest, and it took all of Reyn’s self-control not to strangle him right there.

“Get offa me.”

Alvis obliged, though he couldn’t get far with Reyn still on the ground. Surprisingly, he held out a hand—their linked one—to help pull Reyn to his feet.

Fine. Whatever. Reyn wasn’t too proud to accept a hand up when he needed it.

Only when he needed it, though. Not for long seconds afterwards, while Alvis continued staring at their tangled fingers.

“...You can let go, man.”

“Right.” Alvis dropped his palm abruptly.

That was weird. That was weird, right? Well, everything about Alvis was weird, but—Reyn just couldn’t tell how much was on purpose. It was gonna drive him mad.

He needed to find the right question. Some kind of question that Alvis wouldn’t wriggle out of, that would help Reyn understand what he was really up to here.

“Did you… wanna hold my hand?” 

He nearly smacked himself after saying it. That was the best he could come up with?

Alvis was silent. Probably thought the question was too stupid to even bother with a non-answer—

“I… don’t know,” Alvis replied flatly. He stared at his own palm, as if surprised to find that he had one.

Reyn would’ve given him some space, but. Well. An arm-length away was the best he could do.

“Uh. Don’t break yourself trying to figure it out, or anything. ‘S not a big deal.”

Alvis shook his head with a startled chuckle.

“My apologies. I am not accustomed to being asked what I want.”

Reyn’s brow furrowed. Wasn’t he basically royalty? Didn’t he have servants or something, like Melia? Unless being a seer meant he was one of the servants… 

“But in this particular case, no. I do not believe so. Not moreso than I would want to hold anyone’s hand. The sensation is simply… unusual for me.”

“Oh.” Reyn relaxed a little. “You’re just touch-starved, hangin’ around all those uppity royals. Makes sense.”

About the first thing about Alvis that did make sense. 

“Ah… yes, I suppose as a Homs I have differing tactile needs than the High Entia.” Alvis nodded.

“Great. Glad you figured that out. Now let’s find this branch so you can go hold someone else’s hand.”

They went back to Reyn’s strategy—wandering around until they saw something. It left Reyn with plenty of time to think. (And he did think, no matter what Sharla or Melia or anyone said.) 

And he thought, after a few hours of wandering around with the guy, that Alvis was just awkward.

Sure, you wouldn’t guess it just from lookin’ at him, with his flawless hair and straight-backed poise. But the observations he made were weird. Almost robotic? Like, if a jump to the next ledge down would kill them, he’d say “You’d lose such-and-such HP in fall damage,” or something equally nonsensical. What did “HP” even mean? “Height Plop”? “Handcuff Pain”? “Hocus Pocus”?

“So,” Reyn asked as the sun set in the distance, “You learn whatever it was you said you came with me for?”

Reyn crouched down, snapping up a wet rat as it was scampering across the snow. At least if they never found the mysterious Gypsum Branch, he’d amassed a collection of rodents to keep him warm again. Currently they were stuffed in various pockets of his trousers and shirt.

“Hm? Oh, it isn’t something that can be learned in one day,” Alvis replied.

“Well, did you start learning ‘it’ at least?” Reyn asked.

Honestly, conversations with this guy made him feel like he was a bunnit chasing its tail. But Shulk had been that way when they’d first met too, right? Even though they’d been the same age at five years old, it’d been like Shulk was born yesterday. Always needing the most basic things explained and re-explained, until his big brain caught up and started running faster than Reyn’s own. Now it was usually the other way around.

“Yes.” Alvis nodded thoughtfully. “Yes, I have.”

“And you’re never gonna tell me what on Bionis ‘it’ is, are you?” Reyn huffed.

At first he thought Alvis had inhaled a bit of snow and was choking on it. But it turned out the guy was laughing. Reyn hadn’t known Alvis was capable of—well, of emoting like a proper Homs. The little chuckle earlier had barely counted; this was a laugh that came from deep down in the chest.

“What?” Reyn demanded. “I’ve made plenty of better jokes than that and never got so much as a peep outta you!”

“It’s not anything you said.” Alvis hid the rest of his chuckle behind his hand, before settling back into his typical placid smile. “‘It’ would be you, Reyn.”

“Me?” He stopped short, gaping. “I’m not an it!”

He’d been right from the start, hadn’t he? This was all some elaborate prank Alvis and Melia whipped up to make fun of him! …Though he still didn’t get how Alvis being stuck to him for hours was in any way a victory for the guy.

“I know,” Alvis said. “You were the one who used that expression.”

Was he? Ugh. He didn’t even remember now, and Alvis was bound to twist his words in knots if he tried to argue.

“I wanted the chance to observe you, in order to determine what Shulk finds appealing in your actions and demeanor,” Alvis finally gave a straight answer, for once.

It always came back to Shulk, didn’t it? At least that was something that made sense.

“What, you don’t think Shulk likes me just for my muscles and rugged good looks?” 

Alvis appraised him, scanning him from head to toe. Reyn found himself warming up a fraction. Did Alvis have to look like he was undressing him with his eyes?

“That does seem feasible… hm. Homs do tend to be biased by appearances…”

“I—I mean, I’m not saying I’m only here to look good!” Reyn tried to put his hands on his hips, forgetting about the handcuffs for the millionth time. “Me and Shulk’ve been best mates since we were kids. He woulda been minced by the Mechon if I weren’t around to drag ‘im out of trouble all the time.”

“Time… that is something it is too late for me to imitate,” Alvis mumbled under his breath.

“What was that?”

“I am beginning to wonder if I should have simply asked for your opinion in the first place,” Alvis wryly answered with a completely different sentence. “With that much time, you must know the sort of traits that Shulk favors, both those you possess and those you do not.”

“Wha… wait a second.” Reyn’s eyebrows scrunched. “D’you think Shulk doesn’t like you?”

Alvis’s expression didn’t change even a smidge. 

“That is not what I intended to imply.”

“Then—do you want him to like like you?” 

The idea was baffling, but not impossible. And it explained even more of Alvis’s weirdness. He was just an awkward bloke with a crush! 

“You used the word ‘like’ twice,” Alvis said tonelessly. 

“Ha! I’ll take that as a yes then.” Reyn grinned. “But, uh, sorry mate. If you’d been a little faster on the uptake maybe you’d have a shot. Now that Fiora’s back in the picture…”

“I see.” Alvis dipped his head. The polite gesture had the bonus effect of hiding his face, so Reyn couldn’t tell what he was thinking. If his face would’ve betrayed anything at all.

“Hey, wait a minute. You thought Shulk liked me, didn’t you?” Reyn squinted. “You think you can beat me for Shulk’s love, but not Fiora?”

Well, he was probably right. Fiora was way more stubborn than Reyn, and way better at getting what she wanted. Reyn would’ve given up after the fiftieth time Shulk couldn’t taste anything specific about her sandwiches.

“If his feelings have stayed true even with her transplantation into a Mechon, then they could survive anything,” Alvis stated. 

He was taking it pretty well. Probably. Maybe he was just really good at hiding the fact that he was crying inside.

Either way, Reyn felt a little bad. 

“Eh, who knows. Maybe you can convince Fiora to share. That’d probably be just as hard as getting through Shulk’s thick skull that you like him in the first place.”

He didn’t dare bring up the other possibility: that they wouldn’t manage to save Fiora at all. It would probably be best not to crush Alvis’s hopes and dreams in case that turned out to be the case.

Reyn wasn’t the jealous type. He knew Shulk needed all the support he could get. Even if some of that support was from the weirdest Homs on Bionis.

“That is… awfully kind of you to say,” Alvis replied. “I will have to ask that this conversation remain between us for the time being. I would not put undue pressure on Shulk in this delicate circumstance.”

“Yeah, sure. I won’t go wavin’ around your big gay crush.” Reyn waved his free hand. “Now that you finally told me the point of all this, can we get that stupid branch and get outta here? My butt’s starting to get frostbite.”

Alvis chuckled again.

“That was hardly the only point,” he admitted as they began trudging through the snow again. 

“Yeah?” Reyn squinted. “You need to get something else off your chest, mate?”

“You are an interesting Homs.” Alvis squinted back. 

With the falling darkness, the Gypsum trees began to glow, shooting their beams into the sky. Their light reflected off Alvis’s silver eyes, turning them gold at the right angle.

“I am not sure that I could speak this freely with anyone else,” Alvis noted. “They might pry too deeply into my unorthodox ways of speaking. But you lack the context to parse any meaning. And—I must admit, it’s amusing to watch you try.”

“Wha—after all that, you did still drag me out here just to make fun of me?” Reyn burst.

Alvis smiled, answering nothing.

“Y’know what, I hope Shulk smashes your heart to bits,” Reyn grumbled, though he didn’t entirely mean it.

“Everyone else pokes fun at you. It seemed like a normal bonding activity.”

Reyn tried to cross his arms. It ended up looking like he was just rubbing his bicep. Maybe the flex would intimidate Alvis a little.

“I’m friends with everyone else. Try getting some more of those ‘Affinity Points’ with me before pullin’ a stunt like this again.”

“Noted.” Alvis nodded seriously. If he was offended by Reyn basically saying they weren’t friends, he didn’t show it.

Now that night had properly fallen, finding a stray Gypsum Branch was way easier. They just looked for a glowing spot in the snow and picked one up.

“Man, we coulda stayed inside until it got dark out.” Reyn shook his head. “Bet you knew that, didn’t you?”

“It would have been far less interesting that way.”

“Yeah, whatever. Let’s get this ice stick back to your boyfriend.”

In the light of the branch he held, Alvis’s cheeks might’ve gotten a little pinker.

XXX

Shulk and the others were already back from monster hunting by the time Reyn and Alvis returned. The fire in the center of the room burned invitingly, even if the Tirkin that Dunban was roasting smelled less than appetizing.

“Who let you cook twice in a row?” Reyn asked lightly.

Dunban looked up with a grimace.

“I thought I’d be able to make improvements with more experience.”

“There’s always Fire Apples if you don’t want to risk it.” Sharla grinned, taking a big chomp out of one.

Reyn groaned.

“Man, I miss Fiora’s cooking…” 

Shulk looked up from the gadget he was fiddling with at Fiora’s name.

“Reyn! Alvis!” He grinned. “What had you out so late? And—what happened to your arms?”

“A nasty prank, that’s what,” Reyn huffed. “Melia, you gonna get this off of us now?”

“That depends.” Melia sat next to Sharla, her legs tucked beneath her innocently. “Did you retrieve what you were looking for?”

Alvis pulled the Gypsum Branch from an interior pocket of his coat. How that thing hadn’t melted in there was a mystery.

“Woah!” Shulk gasped at the light display. “What is that?”

“A Gypsum Branch, fallen from the ice tree,” Alvis explained. “Reyn and I humbly offer it for your Collectopaedia.”

Alvis bowed deeply as he held out the ice-stick like a rose. Reyn suppressed a snort.

“Watch where pointing icicle!” Riki covered his eyes with his wings when the beam of light blinded him.

“Sorry, furball,” Reyn apologized for Alvis.

“It’s beautiful.” Shulk accepted the gift and pointed the light downward while brushing its angles with careful fingertips. “But what does that have to do with those handcuffs?”

“Let’s just call it a bad bet and forget about it,” Reyn said. “Now, Melia, if you’ve had your fun…”

“Of course. I will be true to my word.” 

She stood and waved her hand over their wrists, and the chain-like shadows of the binding spell dissolved. From there, it was easy to wriggle out of the rings of green fur.

Reyn rubbed his wrist and sighed in relief.

“Though I’d never get to use my left hand again.”

“Are you always so dramatic?” Melia rolled her eyes.

“Only when someone sets me up to lug this deadweight all over Bionis.” He jerked a thumb towards Alvis.

Melia sighed deeply.

“Then the lesson was a failure, I take it?”

“I would not say so,” Alvis said. “I found it quite enlightening.”

Reyn followed Alvis’s line of sight to where Shulk was experimenting with the Gypsum Branch and a maze of lenses. He couldn’t help a snickering snort.

“Enlightening—you trying out puns now? ‘Cause we found an icicle that lights up?”

“Well, you did share with me your affinity for wordplay.”

“That was one joke, and you walked right into it! I’m not the kinda guy who says nothing but puns!”

“Oh, quiet down, you two.” Melia stepped between them. Reyn had a sinking feeling that might become common as they traveled with Alvis.

Ah, whatever. Reyn would just have to do a better job of avoiding the guy. Which he was free to do, now that they weren’t practically being forced to hold hands.

Unfortunately, Alvis approached Reyn as he was setting up his sleeping roll for the night.

“Here. For your troubles.” Alvis shrugged off his coat and offered it to Reyn.

“Huh?” Reyn blinked. 

Beneath his coat, Alvis only wore a sleeveless vest. Reyn knew exactly how well sleeveless shirts went over in this freezing place, even with the door sealed to keep in the warmth.

“We have established that gifts are a way your party increases their Affinity. Perhaps it is not as spectacular as a wet rat, but please consider it a token of peace.”

Reyn’s new army of wet rats were huddled around his bedroll, nibbling on some fresh Amethyst Vanilla. They should be plenty enough to keep him warm for the night.

“You look like you need it more than I do, mate.”

Alvis lowered his arm, frowning. Man, he was gonna be offended if Reyn didn’t take it, wasn’t he? 

“Oi, fine. Give it here. Just don’t come cryin’ to me if you freeze tonight.” Reyn draped the garment around his shoulders, since he’d probably flex through the sleeves if he tried to put it on.

The coat was soft. Softer than the wet rats, softer than Feather Leaves or Wool Rocks—probably the softest thing Reyn had ever worn, honestly. It was hard to resist stroking the fur that lined that collar. What kind of animal had fur that thick?

“Thank you, Reyn. For bearing with me.” Alvis gave a shallow bow, then retreated back to his corner. In the embers’ dying glow, he couldn’t tell if Alvis had set up a bedroll or not. Surely he wasn’t gonna sleep on the cold floor, right?

“Hey, Alvis?” Reyn tried to keep his voice low, since most of the others were asleep already.

“Yes, Reyn?”

“Think fast.”

Reyn tossed Gravy II over Shulk’s sleeping roll. Alvis caught her gently, cradling her against his chest.

“It’s warm,” Alvis said, like he was surprised.

“Her name’s Gravy the Second. Be nice to her and she probably won’t bite you in your sleep.”

Then Reyn flopped down on his bedroll, herded his remaining rats under Alvis’s coat, and went to sleep.